April 28, 2010

A Fathers Role to Raise His Children and Help From The Church

So many senseless deaths of children, teens, and now parents.
Why does it take these tragic events to move men to protest, march,
pray, and attempt to have a closer relationship to their children and

Why are houses of worship not providing seminars directed to
men and their children to help them communicate with each other?
With churches on just about every street corner and some having
worship services in our schools, why is there no outreach until
death comes? How can churches beg for monies for church anniversaries,
pastor appreciation dinners, deacon and deaconess events, etc when
we need services now for parents, especially men to learn how to
communicate to their children, involve in church activities and
encouraging men to bring their families to worship service?

Being involved does not mean trying to be holier than or secretly
seeking to impress women and friends or even trying to be noticed
because of clothes, hairstyles, or what kind of car is driven.
It is about learning the roles as fathers in a practical and
spiritual sense. Communities are suffering because many men are
not being men and fathers. Many men are waiting for others
to take the lead in their houses and communities. This is why
mothers are calling sons, “the man of the house” even at the
age of 6,7, 8 and older.

How many men will make time to attend graduation ceremonies at high
schools,middle and elementary schools in June, but struggled to
attend a school open house, PTA event, field trip or even eat
lunch with their children for 30 minutes. It is interesting NBA
playoffs and NFL draft have so many fathers know who will be in
the first, second or third round of the draft along with statistics,
but tussle to know who their children’s teachers are, what grade
they are in, what grade point average their child has and what
their child’s plans are after graduation.

It is sorely pitiful that some fathers still are not involved in
the graduation processes by helping in some capacity, but show up
at graduation and claim to do so much and have not done a thing.
Fathers should not be so transparent as to wait until graduation
to show up with their chest stuck out, they should already be involved,
concerned, proactive and vigilant; this can apply to mothers as well.

The summer break is coming, how many children will go a summer
with empty promises that daddy will come and see them, take
them on a trip, spend time with them? How many mothers will
be selfish and not let their children go visit their fathers,
because of their inner demons, past hurts that they want to deny
the fathers seeing their children even though they are doing the
right thing. Even if the father does want to be in the child’s
life sometime mothers themselves can be cruel and keep children
from the father. The lesson that I recently learned is that some
fathers are great fathers, but may be lousy husbands and some
husbands are great in their roles, but lousy fathers. Knowledge
and discernment is the key, be careful of who you lay with when
planning a family.

The responsibilities of a father are unique and divinely orchestrated.
(Matthew 1:20-25) Joseph took upon the role and responsibility of
an earthy father to Jesus as we learned. Joseph was a stepfather,
even in these biblical times there were surrogate fathers.
Stepfathers do matter and are important; one of our greatest Presidents
(Bill Clinton) had a stepfather. He praised him for contributing to
his growth and welfare. Jesus had a stepfather and a Heavenly father.
Being a mature and responsible man means making decisions not just for
ones self, but for others in our care. Men are models to younger
generations who watch, seek and need guidance. This guidance does
not always come in words, but in actions. Our actions speak volumes
and words are mute in the ears of young men who need to see consistency,
maturity, reliability and spirituality.

Father’s spiritual energies at times do not compare to emotional
energies displayed in sports teams and activities with friends.
How different would lives be as fathers and men if prayer and family
life is as strong as enthusiasm for sports teams? Men love to model
“manly behavior” for sons in sporting events and even partying
how many display the same amount of dedication and devotion in
raising of children? When fathers drink beer, wine or alcohol
watching football, hockey, basketball and think or say, “I can’t
wait for my son to be old enough to join me!” To coincide with
this when was the last time sons prayed and shared in devotion
with fathers and family? Do men anoint their sons with oil,
lay hands for protection and speak words of health, wisdom and love?

The world is changing daily, as in Revelation Chapter 1:3
The time is at hand now fathers; children and teens are killing
for drugs, sex, sport, and other things they view as momentarily
satisfying, but are easily fleeting. Children are killing mothers
and fathers equally because they are accustomed to getting what
they want, but when denied they cannot handle this and are
possessed by drugs and alcohol. There is always the silent or
vocal question; Where was his daddy and did they not teach or
train him the proper way to go?

Participating in the recent Real Talk… Real Change forum
(http://www.e3businessgroup.org/) concerning excuses parents
give for not being involved it shows an immaturity and
selfishness by men and in some cases women. No one is perfect,
but there is a detriment to being selfish with time and
energies when it is not directed in the correct way.
How much of a difference would it make in children respecting
and valuing education, valuing their mothers if fathers are
actively modeling respect and a respect for the power of
education? How many deaths could have been prevented if fathers
had been active in their sons and daughters lives, how many
acts of violence could have been prevented if mothers
would not have denied fathers from spending time with their
sons, even though the father left, but wanted to still see
their children? The children they helped to create together.

In Matthew Chapter 3:17 God says, “This is my beloved Son,
in whom I am well pleased”. Young men in today’s society need
to hear this from their father’s, members of our clergy need to
remind fathers of their responsibility, but also must model for
men in their congregations. Nothing is secret any more, it all
comes out in the light eventually so it is better to start off
right. Paul tells the Cortinthians that Jesus will expose
everything that has been hidden in the dark to the light.
He will draw out the motives of our hearts.

Maybe if this were demonstrated young men in communities would
not have as many violent deaths as they do or commit senseless
murders especially again their mothers and siblings. Fathers
must realize the responsibility of their place in a child’s
life regardless if they are in the home or not, regardless
of the “Baby Mama Drama” that sometimes happens that results
from disrespectful language and actions. It is cowardice of
fathers to neglect communication with their children; to make
excuses not calling, texting, Facebook, Myspace saying
“I love you” and “How are you doing”. It is unconscionable
for mothers to curse fathers when they get angry and tell
the sons they are just like their daddies. It is a detriment
for fathers to denigrate (To treat as worthless; belittle,
degrade or disparage) their daughters by calling them h***,
bit***, and have low expectations for their successes just
because they are female. Another Mothers Day is approaching,
how will families and churches celebrate mothers that bring
life into this world,nurture all of us even at times when
those they nurture are not of their own blood.

Several weeks remain in the school year, it is inexcusable for
fathers not to take time to eat lunch at school, talk to teachers,
check on grades and offer monetary and inspirational support.
Men can take the time to run with their Dogs to clubs, golf, and
social events, but struggle to have a conversation that brings
them closer to children. How many more cases of young men dropping
out of school, physical aggression towards women, drugs, crime and
violence will it take for more men to tell their sons, “I Love You”
and I’m proud of you and there is a better way to grow up.

Fathers shows daughters they are not ho**, bit***, punching
bags, baby making machines. It is up to fathers to tell their
daughters that they can be doctors, lawyers, teachers, mayors,
accountants, managers and entrepreneurs. Fathering is a balance
of discipline, love, negotiation, trust and communication.
It does not come easy as I can testify being a parent, a mentor,
teacher, and divorced father. I have had my share of Baby Mama
drama; but did not allow this to keep me from being a father for
my children. I have experienced setbacks, that challenged my money,
sanity and spirituality, but this only made my determination
stronger to be the best father that I can be. To show my children
how strong and resilient I’ am to being in their lives.

The responsibility of men as fathers in their respective roles;
men that respect women, respect community, respect the power of
education and respect and pray to an almighty God. There are
religious leaders that want to protest, yell, scream, blame,
curse and threaten just to see themselves in the spot light
when tragedy happens. Maybe we should allow religious leaders to
use their anointing to come into homes and anoint families so
tragedy maybe prevented. Help fathers gain discernment to see
evil before it happens, be proactive and not reactive to dangers
that possibly await our children. Members of our clergy, ministry,
churches must be right themselves if they are to lead their flocks.

How many men and women of God are willing to do this for the glory
of God and His kingdom and the service to his Word they preach on
Sundays and Wednesdays? Our religious leaders should go outside of
the church house and among their sheep to anoint them and their homes
to keep them safe, but fathers have to continue to anoint home and
families after the Pastor or Priest is gone. Pastors, bishops, priests,
come and bless the homes and family of your congregations.

This cannot be done from inside the church because the devil attacks
when we step outside of the church house and go our way home.

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