“Those who cut down good trees shall see never sign of blessing”(Tosefta, B'khorim II)
Fathers, regardless of the ravages of divorce don’t stop being fathers to your children. Provide good roots for your children; your children are extensions of you and possess your attributes, behaviors and emotional nuances. They still need your guidance and love to grow into productive men and women.
The process of divorce forces men to start over in life, requiring them to seek a new beginning, and rebuilding a relationship with their children, renewing their own spirituality, and the redirection of personal priorities in life. No matter what cultural background, maturity range, salary scale or religious conviction, divorce can be overwhelming, demeaning, financially draining (especially if you are providing child support and or alimony), and an emotional roller coaster that never seems to end.
In Matthew 6:33 it states, “..seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness…”, when searching for a redirection and renewed purpose through this challenging time, the best guide is the reading and interpretation of the Bible along with seeking the understanding of God’s Word. The reading and interpretation can refocus your life, redirect your spirituality through scripture and provide comfort and solace. Having gone through divorce it forced an accepting of what I need to improve in myself, not focusing on my perceived faults or shortcomings of others. The emotional turmoil of blame, anger, self-pity and shame are discarded and are distant memories. Now I focus on forgiving,accepting and my need to grow as a Christian man that is not perfect, but growing in the Lord every day.
As a divorced father I questioned how can I move on with my life, amplify my spirituality as a Christina man and be in my children’s lives being a positive force and not promoting or displaying negativity, these are my focus points. This day and everyday focusing on yourself as a father and man, refocus on the responsibilities of being a father, despite the drama of “Baby Mama Drama” that all men go through. This is not just a “Black thing”. Renewing and recharging the commitment and covenant you have with your children. Children are a blessing from God as written in Psalm 127:3, thus with this knowledge, our children being blessings from God we as men and fathers have a responsibility to be a part of our children’s lives and accept them as precious blessings from God our heavenly father. We have a responsibility to show Godly actions even when all round us there may be chaos and confusion. How can we grow if we hang on to our old actions and perceptions?
Fathers remember children are not commodities to be traded, fought over, or bargained for. Their well being should be placed first during this time of upheaval and emotional stress. Children do not cause divorce, but are directly affected by it. Because of this situation fathers will have to make sacrifices that will allow us to stay in our children’s lives. Our goal is to provide the best for our children regardless if they are with their mothers or with us. No one can take away from you that you are a parent and thus you must continue to aid in your children’s growth in dynamic ways. We may not be physically in the home, but our teachings, modeling, and prayers are present in our children’s life. Our essence of what we are is shared within our children. We must communicate with our children love, respect, and a commitment to guide them even when they do not want it. That means seeing them when we say we will, visiting their schools to check on them, calling to say Hello and I love you. Spending quality timewith our children and not competing with the other parent for our children’s attentions and loyalties.
As is states in Ephesians 6:4, “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”, our first responsibility that we must continue to teach our sons is to be respectful in order to get respect, the importance of education to obtain a career, provide for oneself and family and putting God first in all they do. Being fathers in our deeds and duties our sons will follow as we set the example of behavior.
In accordance with our sons we must also direct our daughters to be independent thinkers and aspire to be self supportive, not leaning on being reliant on any man to always provide for them. Our daughters will seek a man similar to our actions, demeanor and emotional statues even if it is self-destructive at times. We set the foundation on which they will look for in a mate. Just as our sons we must teach our daughters who will be mothers one day to put God first in their lives and seek Godly men. Not men who follow the latest trends in fashions, drugs, sexual deviations, cars and other material/physical things which are not long lasting and fleeting with time. We must teach our little girls that they are and can be empowered with dreams and aspirations to be successful. Using our best judgments even when challenged, highlight the best in them and their mothers.
No child likes to hear their father or mother verbally torn down and demeaned in any way, having gone through this myself and still at times, it challenges my spiritually and new acceptance to be saved. I had to pray when my children’s mother and her mother talked about me in an unkind way to my children about me, but I give God all the glory and praise, because I proved them wrong in my Actions and not just my Words. I madea commitment to be saved and worked to show it.
Sometimes you have to show that you are saved by conducting yourself as a Christian, speaking Christian words and not present yourself in an unChristian manner. As you work to this you are showing God, yourself and your children that you are a better person. Sometimes it does take time, but if you are going to be a Christian it is not easy and takes perseverance and continuous prayer.
Stated in John 10:30, “I and my father are one” Jesus makes this statement as a testimony to his father. The same holds true for fathers and their children, you are one in many ways with your children. Some of these ways are visually evident and some ways will manifest themselves as your child matures into adulthood. Through our lives we as men and fathers have obtained wisdom that we should pass on to our children. To prevent them from making the same mistakes as we have made.
Stated in John 10:30, “I and my father are one” Jesus makes this statement as a testimony to his father. The same holds true for fathers and their children, you are one in many ways with your children. Some of these ways are visually evident and some ways will manifest themselves as your child matures into adulthood. Through our lives we as men and fathers have obtained wisdom that we should pass on to our children. To prevent them from making the same mistakes as we have made.
In Proverbs 4:1-27 there is discussion of wisdom, gaining it through life experiences and reading of the Word. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom…” (Proverbs 4:7), and share it so our children will not make the same mistakes as we have. Real fathers guide their children, helping them to “deviate from the possible path of the wicked, and not go in the way of evil men” (Proverbs 4:14). Be the father your father may not have been to you, be the dad that your children can be proud of and seek for guidance. Remember that children are very forgiving and will not stay children forever. They will forgive your mistakes if you give them a chance and be open and honest with them. Send praise and worship up to our heavenly father first and watch the blessings come down. Take your children to church with you and teach them why they should go to church. To prepare them for lives challenges and that there is a God that loves themand is there for them.
Starting over is not easy, but the path can be much straighter, peaceful, comforting and less challenging if we recognize our heavenly Father first and continue to do the right thing by him and our children. Divorce is not the end of fatherhood just a new beginning and an opportunity to grow, but with the proper guidance from God’s help and the reading of his Word and sharing it with our children all will grow stronger.God Bless the divorced fathers, we are still fathers and dads in our children’s lives, but must stay involved, concerned and in prayer for wisdom and guidance.
William Jackson, M.Ed.
"Copyright William Jackson, All Rights Reserved 2008."
Fathers, regardless of the ravages of divorce don’t stop being fathers to your children. Provide good roots for your children; your children are extensions of you and possess your attributes, behaviors and emotional nuances. They still need your guidance and love to grow into productive men and women.
The process of divorce forces men to start over in life, requiring them to seek a new beginning, and rebuilding a relationship with their children, renewing their own spirituality, and the redirection of personal priorities in life. No matter what cultural background, maturity range, salary scale or religious conviction, divorce can be overwhelming, demeaning, financially draining (especially if you are providing child support and or alimony), and an emotional roller coaster that never seems to end.
In Matthew 6:33 it states, “..seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness…”, when searching for a redirection and renewed purpose through this challenging time, the best guide is the reading and interpretation of the Bible along with seeking the understanding of God’s Word. The reading and interpretation can refocus your life, redirect your spirituality through scripture and provide comfort and solace. Having gone through divorce it forced an accepting of what I need to improve in myself, not focusing on my perceived faults or shortcomings of others. The emotional turmoil of blame, anger, self-pity and shame are discarded and are distant memories. Now I focus on forgiving,accepting and my need to grow as a Christian man that is not perfect, but growing in the Lord every day.
As a divorced father I questioned how can I move on with my life, amplify my spirituality as a Christina man and be in my children’s lives being a positive force and not promoting or displaying negativity, these are my focus points. This day and everyday focusing on yourself as a father and man, refocus on the responsibilities of being a father, despite the drama of “Baby Mama Drama” that all men go through. This is not just a “Black thing”. Renewing and recharging the commitment and covenant you have with your children. Children are a blessing from God as written in Psalm 127:3, thus with this knowledge, our children being blessings from God we as men and fathers have a responsibility to be a part of our children’s lives and accept them as precious blessings from God our heavenly father. We have a responsibility to show Godly actions even when all round us there may be chaos and confusion. How can we grow if we hang on to our old actions and perceptions?
Fathers remember children are not commodities to be traded, fought over, or bargained for. Their well being should be placed first during this time of upheaval and emotional stress. Children do not cause divorce, but are directly affected by it. Because of this situation fathers will have to make sacrifices that will allow us to stay in our children’s lives. Our goal is to provide the best for our children regardless if they are with their mothers or with us. No one can take away from you that you are a parent and thus you must continue to aid in your children’s growth in dynamic ways. We may not be physically in the home, but our teachings, modeling, and prayers are present in our children’s life. Our essence of what we are is shared within our children. We must communicate with our children love, respect, and a commitment to guide them even when they do not want it. That means seeing them when we say we will, visiting their schools to check on them, calling to say Hello and I love you. Spending quality timewith our children and not competing with the other parent for our children’s attentions and loyalties.
As is states in Ephesians 6:4, “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”, our first responsibility that we must continue to teach our sons is to be respectful in order to get respect, the importance of education to obtain a career, provide for oneself and family and putting God first in all they do. Being fathers in our deeds and duties our sons will follow as we set the example of behavior.
In accordance with our sons we must also direct our daughters to be independent thinkers and aspire to be self supportive, not leaning on being reliant on any man to always provide for them. Our daughters will seek a man similar to our actions, demeanor and emotional statues even if it is self-destructive at times. We set the foundation on which they will look for in a mate. Just as our sons we must teach our daughters who will be mothers one day to put God first in their lives and seek Godly men. Not men who follow the latest trends in fashions, drugs, sexual deviations, cars and other material/physical things which are not long lasting and fleeting with time. We must teach our little girls that they are and can be empowered with dreams and aspirations to be successful. Using our best judgments even when challenged, highlight the best in them and their mothers.
No child likes to hear their father or mother verbally torn down and demeaned in any way, having gone through this myself and still at times, it challenges my spiritually and new acceptance to be saved. I had to pray when my children’s mother and her mother talked about me in an unkind way to my children about me, but I give God all the glory and praise, because I proved them wrong in my Actions and not just my Words. I madea commitment to be saved and worked to show it.
Sometimes you have to show that you are saved by conducting yourself as a Christian, speaking Christian words and not present yourself in an unChristian manner. As you work to this you are showing God, yourself and your children that you are a better person. Sometimes it does take time, but if you are going to be a Christian it is not easy and takes perseverance and continuous prayer.
Stated in John 10:30, “I and my father are one” Jesus makes this statement as a testimony to his father. The same holds true for fathers and their children, you are one in many ways with your children. Some of these ways are visually evident and some ways will manifest themselves as your child matures into adulthood. Through our lives we as men and fathers have obtained wisdom that we should pass on to our children. To prevent them from making the same mistakes as we have made.
Stated in John 10:30, “I and my father are one” Jesus makes this statement as a testimony to his father. The same holds true for fathers and their children, you are one in many ways with your children. Some of these ways are visually evident and some ways will manifest themselves as your child matures into adulthood. Through our lives we as men and fathers have obtained wisdom that we should pass on to our children. To prevent them from making the same mistakes as we have made.
In Proverbs 4:1-27 there is discussion of wisdom, gaining it through life experiences and reading of the Word. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom…” (Proverbs 4:7), and share it so our children will not make the same mistakes as we have. Real fathers guide their children, helping them to “deviate from the possible path of the wicked, and not go in the way of evil men” (Proverbs 4:14). Be the father your father may not have been to you, be the dad that your children can be proud of and seek for guidance. Remember that children are very forgiving and will not stay children forever. They will forgive your mistakes if you give them a chance and be open and honest with them. Send praise and worship up to our heavenly father first and watch the blessings come down. Take your children to church with you and teach them why they should go to church. To prepare them for lives challenges and that there is a God that loves themand is there for them.
Starting over is not easy, but the path can be much straighter, peaceful, comforting and less challenging if we recognize our heavenly Father first and continue to do the right thing by him and our children. Divorce is not the end of fatherhood just a new beginning and an opportunity to grow, but with the proper guidance from God’s help and the reading of his Word and sharing it with our children all will grow stronger.God Bless the divorced fathers, we are still fathers and dads in our children’s lives, but must stay involved, concerned and in prayer for wisdom and guidance.
William Jackson, M.Ed.
"Copyright William Jackson, All Rights Reserved 2008."
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