The Value of Education Starts with Mothers

The Value of Education Starts with Mothers
Another school year is upon us, mothers should be determined to show
their children, especially daughters that they support their educational
development and advancement. Girls need moralsupport from their mothers
and fathers (if available) to excel academically as school curriculums
are increasingly challenging. FCAT assessment is not a true assessment
of academic growth and increasingly girls are facing challenges that
should be addressed in school and at home. These actions are becoming
distractions to learning and positive actions and choices at school.
The push is on for more students to graduate from high school and attend
college as academic requirements rise, but additional classroom help is
unavailable to rally round those that are already struggling. Observations
from schools especially in the elementary environment where I’m located
show that more young girls in fifth and sixth grades are satisfied with
not working to their potential and settling for a future working in menial
jobs, having multiple children, and involved in multiple relationships with
men or other women. These are the realities that many teachers see in our
schools and increasingly even in the elementary environment.


Foundations of Love Between Mom and Daughter
Daughters naturally love their mothers, love that is shared is a model
that can blossom into healthy and stable interaction at home and in
school. This relationship promotes academic success, a relationship
with daughters is built on trust and communication (verbal and nonverbal),
a trust that mom will be available to provide support and build self
confidence and self respect. If the father is not present then as for
millions of mothers they provide the necessary support that a father
would. Mothers are aware of the impact they have on their daughter’s
future emotional, psychological and relational development. There should
be honest truth about expectations for what they should be doing to
provide for their daughters. History judge’s mothers by the behavior
of their daughters, and what their choices are in life in relationships,
career choices, and educational accomplishments. Many girls choose someone
like their father for a potential mate, what kind of man a girl will be
involved in is dependant on their parental role models. Mothers must
understand that they are their daughters’ role model for life choices.
As a teacher I have heard young girls in first and second grade talk
about doing the things their mothers do at home, in the clubs and dealing
with men that are boyfriends, lovers, husbands, and even booty calls.
What values and morals do mothers bring to their homes when men are in
and out of the lives of girls? Young girls seeing their mother, auntie,
even grandmothers participating in multiple relationships will follow
behind these actions. It is not my job as an educator to pass judgment,
ridicule, look down on mothers but mothers must realize that their young
daughters will imitate and talk about their home lives at school.
Pointing out the realities of young girls and teens that are in our
classrooms and the behaviors some exhibit. Experts agree that a girl's
future relationships with men are often shaped by both her relationship
with her father and her father's relationships with the mother. How the
mother established relationships with other men and the importance or
stability in a relationship. In broad-brush terms, girls who see their
mothers behaving in certain ways will repeat behaviors, attitudes and
actions at home and in school.


Closer Hearts for Moms and Daughters
Mothers create an opportunity of connection when they spend positive
and productive time together with their daughters. Opportunities such
as going to the park, to get ice cream, going to the beach, going to
church, going for walks to talk. There will be times when your daughter
is older she will reflect and retake these journeys that you share
together that remind her of you and your wisdom. I can attest to these
because that is what my sister misses from our mother since she passed
away. The Bible gives us the key to raising our children in Proverbs 22:6.
"Train a child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will
not turn from it". Mothers teach your daughters now that she deserves
respect, teach her now to be confident, teach her now to be independent
and self reliant. Prepare her now for important life decisions. The key
to success is the respect and value that they place on education and
building from it.


A Daughters Educational Needs
The thinking or cognitive process for boys and girls is different in
the classroom and in life. Moms instruct your daughters that they are
smart, intelligent and creative, they are in fact unique and have their
own special gifts. Girls should understand that success is not always
making big sums of money, driving fancy cars or wearing expensive clothes.
Achievement means obtaining a good education to provide for self and
using education as the key to self growth and reliability on personal
skills that are not dependent on others. The Bible says in Hosea 4:6,
"My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge." Guard your daughters
away from negativity, ignorance and guided them to knowledge and
understanding. Malcolm X stated in the past as it applies to the 21st
century, “Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs
to the people who prepare for it today. "Daughters must be prepared for
the boardrooms, courtrooms, classrooms, conference rooms, presidential
rooms, mayoral rooms, senatorial rooms and surgical rooms. Bob Wise,
President of the Alliance for Excellent Education, “The best economic
stimulus package is a diploma”. As can be seen on many higher educational
campuses women outnumber men. Because of this more doors in business,
technology, politics, science, engineering and medicine are opening up.


Principles of Biblical Power
Don’t wait until disaster or death to teach your daughter about the
power of prayer, praise, worship and attending church, synagogue, mosque,
or chapel. There should be a foundation of spirituality and a time devoted
to worship and prayer. Modeling means attendance to church not just for
the sake of show or entertaining, but for the development and stability
for peace of mind and spirit. Practicing religious discipline and
attendance goes beyond hair styles, dress size, manicure and pedicure,
shoes and hats. Worship is not trying to impress the pastors or priests
or them to get your attention. The worship service is on a spiritual
level not physical. Mothers should encourage and model reading biblical
scripture to your daughters to show the importance of biblical order
in ones life and applying those to relationships. Reading biblical
scripture at an early age develops early communication skills,
cognitive processing and strengthening values, morals and spirituality.


Girls and Healthy Living
A parents teaching are responsible for their child’s sexual
behavior, this is why modeling and education are important.
Duval County has consistently been in the double digits for
AIDS related deaths from 2004 to 2008. In relation to Sexually
Transmitted Disease Duval County is consistent since 2006 (824)
to 2008 (976) cases and increasing. Reports of new HIV cases
have grown from 2006 (208) to 2008 (264). Infant mortality which
has been addressed by E3 Business Group, Inc from past forums
emphasizes that the data be made aware, because any infant death
is too many and in most cases preventable. Mothers must teach
their girls if there is a pregnancy it is important to have neonatal
care as soon as possible to cease any behaviors that are dangerous
to the unborn child and the expectant mother. From 2006 (12.7) to
2008 (13.9) the reports of infant mortality are overwhelming.
Young teen girls are having sex as early as 11 years old and the
ages fluctuate between 12 and 13 for girls engaging in direct
intercourse or oral sex.
Information from JCCI http://www.jcci.org/jcciwebsite/snapshot/atlas.html


Mothers Need Help Too
Mothers are not without available resources to help with their
daughters. As a teacher prevention and proactively addressing
issues, being prepared is better than being taken unaware of failing
grades, unplanned pregnancy, low self esteem or other challenges that
girls will face in their lives. The presence of community organizations
help to redirect, refocus and educate young ladies.
Empowering lifestyles which help in making relevant decisions in
education, community involvement, relationships and career choices.
The wrong choices can have life long dire consequences, and the
correct choices can help with a life filled with success and
achievement. These are just some of the organizations,
but there are many more available that have benefits to girls here in
Jacksonville, Florida:

Boys and Girls Clubs of America - provide both educational and
developmental activities that spark awareness to self confidence,
self respect and direction in careers and educational aspirations.
For more info call Phone: (904) 396-4435 or visit http://www.bgcnf.org/

First Coast Girls Initiative - To build the capacity of individuals and
organizations to serve girls more effectively and efficiently through
gender responsive education and advocacy.
For more info call 904 514-1610 or visit http://www.fcgijax.org/

Girls Incorporated - dedicated to inspiring all girls to be strong, smart,
and bold. Organization dedicated to inspiring all girls to be strong,
smart, and bold. With roots dating to 1864, Girls Inc has provided
vital educational programs to millions of American girls, particularly
those in high-risk, underserved areas.
For more info call (904) 731-9933 or visit http://www.girlsinc.org/find/p7_florida.html

Elexia Moss - Empowerment Resources and the Journey Into Womanhood
Program. To make children and families stronger and empower them to
be successful leaders in the community today, for a better tomorrow. This
grassroots organization provides positive life skills and resources that
foster leadership development and self-sufficiency.
For more info call 904-268-8287 or visit www.empowermentresourcesinc.org

The National Council on Crime and Delinquency (NCCD) Center for Girls and
Young Women - focuses on advocacy, research, assessment services, staff
training and evaluation to address juvenile justice and child welfare systems
that are designed for boys and ill-equipped to meet the gender-specific needs
of girls and young women.
For more info call 904.598.0901 or visit http://www.justiceforallgirls.org/

Conclusion
There are many challenges and distractions for young ladies. Mothers must
be diligent to keep the lines of communication open between themselves and
their children. Daughters require a close relationship with their parents.
Traditionally girls are more vulnerable in many ways than boys, and are in
need of more guidance and to be taught to rely on their cognitive gifts not
physical attributes. Girls are inundated with television and magazine ads
about “how” they are supposed to look, feel, act, interact with others,
and seek to be older, but many girls are not emotionally ready to accept
this behavior, thus displayed in the classroom. A mother is to show their
girls that she is great just the way she is.
Mothers help your daughters make this school year better than the
last year and not to rely just on one test to show how successful she is.

You may be raising the next President, Senator, Supreme Court Justice,
Doctor, Civil Rights Leader or Corporate Executive.

William Jackson and Cheryl Williams
William.jackson@ewc.edu

Don't Stop Your Fatherhood from Divorce

Continue being a father...

Sorry this blog is longer than usual, but
this is an important message to men
experiencing divorce and have children.

Men are taught not to cry, nor be soft and show
emotions. Keeping emotional status to a minimum,
to stay in control. What I share is a contradiction
of emotional and mental states, a contribution to
being a father to encourage divorced fathers.
Men that are fathers, grandfathers and stepfathers
are important to children and need to stay involved.

My son is 18 years old and a recent high school graduate,
who was born on January 7, 1992 is in college. You may
wonder why is this important:

The important part that as a father being divorced from
my children's mother since 1999, divorce did not keep me
from being involved in my children's life. I did not use
excuses about child support payments nor excuses that
they lived about an hour away and I had to go get
them every other weekend, split my summer vacation
with their mother.

Excuses are easy, but sacrifice is a challenge to the
commitment to a cause importantly being involved
with children. Enduring to do the right thing is not
always easy.

My reflections as a father, I watched my son at
orientation at FAMU allowed me the enlightenment of
why I nurtured, taught, prayed, and yes I fussed
and cussed at times to get my children to do what
they needed to do. I had to be proactive to know what
my children were doing at school even though I was
no longer in the home.

I suffered baby mama drama in the form of no
communication, not being offered school pictures, not
being invited to PTO/PTA meetings. Not being told
of school plays and events that the children were in.
I had to find out for myself, which I did and did attend
as much as I could. As a father I encouraged my children
to be productive and successful in school, working hard
to do for my children so I would never hear that I was a
deadbeat father, give ammunition to my children's mom
and her family to talk about me in any derogatory way,
they still did, but I taught my children to judge me by
my actions not their words. Even though I have and still
deal with baby mama drama it is worth it because my
son is in college, a high school graduate.

The divorce process is neither easy nor nice, some of
the most primal emotions rise to the surface, but men
should understand that it is not about who bests who,
who is the better parent. It is about what is best for
the children, if children are involved.
At times the process is unfair and it feels like a war,
but many divorcing parents do not always look at the
future and the preparation of their children for higher
education. I do not have all the answers, but do
encourage parents to make preparations for your children
to attend college or vocational school while they are young.
Trying to put aside your pain, accusations, anger and
demeaning behaviour to communicate with each
other that your child's academic success is important
will be almost impossible. The turbulence of the divorce
process can be demeaning as accusations whether valid
or invalid are discussed.
The best way to ensure collage attendance is to start
a college fund and deem a certain amount of money
going into the account by both parents. It does not have
to be the same amount from each, since the majority
of the time the man will be paying child support.
The mother must agree that a portion of the support
goes into a college fund. Not using this to get more
money, but to make sure that the children are provided for.
This I had to struggle through and know very well it is hard.
Many divorcing mothers want control over everything, but
communication and negotiation is the key.

Negotiating this while the children are young and starting
a fund is a necessity now because tuition prices are
continuously rising. The most affected are divorced
parents when they see their children want to go to
high education, but realize they do not have the money
and kick themselves in realizing they should have done
this when the child was young.
The accountability and responsibility aspect goes to both
parents to stay connected with their children's academic
strength and weaknesses. Fathers need to be visible in
the schools, to follow their child's academic growth.
Not leaving it up to the mother and blaming her for any
failures, nor should an uninvolved father try to take credit
for any successes of the child. The father is held
accountable because that is their child also. If a father
is not involved in elementary, middle and high school,
don't expect a graduation invitation when the time
comes around. I have witnessed this to many times
as a teacher. This makes the father look even lower
and will face more rejection from the child and family.

Helping to continue to raise children does have its
financial challenges. I have and continue to struggle
through financial hardship paying child support. I have
at times worked 4 jobs just to make ends meet. Working
to provide extra for when I have my children with me for
visitation. Learning that my children will love me regardless
of the money because they know that I love them and want
to spend quality time with them. Fathers understand it
is not the amount of money that you spend, but the
amount of time that you put in you and your
child's relationship. No one wins when parents are
competing with each other for a child's love. Focus on
the importance of being a good, responsible and involved
parent. I saw the fruits of my labour when my son enrolled
in college and I helped him accomplish this goal. My labour
was in traveling every other weekend as many divorced
dads do to pick up their children. Taking days off
from work to go and visit my son and daughter in
school. Talking to their teachers and eating lunch with
the class. Sending cards, letters, emails and texts,
showing my children that I love them instead of giving
lip service and not backing up my words with actions.
These are the things true fathers/real men do for their
children. Being present and connected, I did miss many
events, but my children understood that I was doing my
best and I kept the lines of communication open.

It did not matter the unkind words that were spoken
by my children's mother and grandmother about me to
them. That helped motivate me to be a better father.
Men can be and are driven away by women because the
woman is angry, hurt and wants to get back at the man.
These actions in the long run hurt the children's development
when the mother denies visitation even when support is
being paid. The mother will talk badly about the father
and make unwarranted accusations to the male child that
they will be like their father. Even if untrue statements
are made mothers can destroy their young son's
mental security and confidence. Encouraging destructive
behaviour, enticing it, nurturing behaviour that is antisocial.
The resulting behaviour from the child accumulates into
academic and social challenges that did not have to happen,
but was encouraged and taught to the male child
because the mother was still angry even after years of
being divorced. As the saying goes heard that and see the
results in my teaching of young males, both black and white.
Dads may deserver a cussing because of mistakes and choices,
but the children should not have to hear about it from their
mothers.

I have seen my children's emotional state change because
of harmful words from their mother and grandmother, but
I persevere through. Words and actions have hurt my daughters
and I relationship because of what has been said and continue
to be uttered, but I continue to pray and still communicate to
my daughter.
One day I hope to re-establish a loving and caring relationship
with my daughter so I must continue to let her
know that I do love her and it is not always about money.

I saw the fruits of my labour when my son hugged me during
college orientation. I hugged him back not wanting to let him
go because of the years of his childhood rushing back through
my mind. I kissed him twice on his head trying not to be soft,
not wanting to embarrass him in at his new home away from
home. I said something similar to I Love You and proud of you,
he replied I love you to.. As a father, of course I gave some
last tidbits of words of wisdom; be careful, be safe, and he
replied OK dad...

As I turned to leave I had to fight the feelings to look
back because I know I would cry, but that did not work.
As I walked back to my truck the tears started streaming.
Fathers do need to cry; it does not demean you or make
you weak. It just proves that you are a human being, a caring
person, a parent that loves their child. I realized my
son, whom I carried in my arms when born, read to, taught
computers to, shared French fries with, mowed the lawn with,
taught how to drive. The little boy who was my traveling
partner to the store or conferences out of town. Who went
with me to work and helped me in my classroom. Whose
hand I held when walking in the store, who I carried on
my shoulders. I remember talking about sex, drugs, and
life in general and the looks I got from him.
The young man that I watched graduate from elementary
school, middle school, high school and now attending
college. We shared ups and downs, and I did not want to
give up. I did not want to be another statistic of a deadbeat
father so I persevered.

I say thank you God for allowing me the opportunity to
be a father. I'am not perfect, at times I messed up and had to
ask forgiveness.. I had the chance to shape and mold
a young man to be a benefit to society not a menace or
statistic in the juvenile justice system. I know my son is not
perfect, he has his flaws; I rest in the knowledge that
I taught him things that my dad did not teach me.
Put God first in everything, the value and importance of
education, being respectful, and honest. Do not let people
take you for granted, do not allow people to use you nor
abuse you. To have values, morals that you can be and
will be successful. To be of service to you community and help
others when you can.

As I leave the campus of FAMU I place my son in God's hands
and say a prayer.... To God Be The Glory.... I will be there
at his college graduation. God willing and the creek don't rise.

Fathers press forward to be the best father that you can.
To meet challenges head on and overcome them. Do not
give in to quitting or giving up, because the life you give
up on will be your children. Don't allow others
to put you down or talk negatively to your children
about you. Don't give people this ammunition, if you wronged
their mother in any way apologize for your mistakes and do
better. I did. It was not easy, but when I did it my spirit
was at peace. Your children will not be children forever.
They will grow up and they will remember how involved
you were, how you over came and persevered.
Your children will remember who was
there to help them. We as men no matter what color
or culture must understand if we can make a baby we
have to continue to be responsible to and for that baby.
Making no excuses......

Edited by Cheryl Williams
Graduate of Andrew Jackson High School 1979
Mother of Mario (graduate of SCSU '04)
Darryl (FAMU senior '10)
Nicholas (FSCJ)
Single mother with a purpose and a plan.

Jazz Unites Jacksonville

Jazz Unites Jacksonville

The Jazz Festival was able to accomplish what local
governmental officials and religious leaders claim to
be able to achieve, but fall short; it took music to
inspire unification of people, but for a brief time.

People of cultural backgrounds, families in our community,
and those visiting saw Jacksonville, witnessed a uniting
and bonding through the infusion of music.

It took music, JAZZ to be specific to fuse people in a
commonality of spirit, love and harmony. Hearts and
minds were touched embracing the smooth tones of local
and world reknown musicians and vocalists. A musicality
of cultural progression and recognition of the dynamics
to the origination and meaning of jazz. A fusion of jazz
from past to present, incorporating opera demonstrated
by talented artists from young and seasoned artists.

The musical anointing transcended cultural backgrounds,
shades of physical color, gender and season of those in
attendance. Through the ages music has been a defining
force that joins people together. Where two or three are joined
the opportunity of fellowship spreads throughout. The power
of the music was vocalized so passionately there were tears
in eyes and raised hands that paid ohmage and respect to
songstresses that captured and immobilized the audience.
Musical notes that held emotions so powerfully that nature
itself paused to eavesdrop and enjoy. There was not a drop
of rain to spoil the moment, but rain would have represented
passionate emotions that even the earth could not subdue.

Infants to toddlers, teens to seniors all were infused with
musical blessings that encouraged appreciation of auditory
caressing and orchestration. Youth were so captivated they
used whatever they could get their hands on to mimic and imitate
instruments to accompany artists. Playing their instruments whether
it be a straw for a flute or saxophone or sticks for drumming in
cadence to those on stage, imagining they too were creating
sounds that will resonate in minds and spirits for days on end.
These youth in attendance may one day be our future composures
and performers. Youth are the future of jazz, rhythm and blues,
opera and other musical genres. The Arts are an important tool
to expose children to culture, heritage and develop a respect
for the power to unify and inspire.

The unification of the Jazz Festival could be seen through the
families that where joined together. The time to reacquaint and
renew family values, traditions, hopes and dreams of better tomorrows.
Music used to create a stronger family bond that may have once been
weakened because of social or economic challenges. Seasoned seniors
reflected on the past and relationships. Music was used for our
youth to education them on the dynamics of types of music that
convey passion, soul, anointing, history and artistry in musical
copulations, traditions and style.

Jacksonville’s rich cultural diversity could be seen, respected,
even praise and worship could be felt and seen in musical artistic quality.
The Jazz Festival succeeded in not only bringing a city, a community
together, but rivalled the spiritual energies of church services. The
anointing of music was in effect for three days. Each day providing a
emotional and spiritual welcoming to the blessings to energies created.

To my three new brothers that I meet and shared moments and conversation
and a linking of similar past experiences, I salute you and hope to share
time as we had again next year.

Jacksonville’s rich cultural diversity could be seen in open respect,
dignity, and by the way people treated each other, the bonding of a city
through music. These are days that will long be remembered not only
mentally, but through emotional passions that will await next years
Jacksonville Jazz Festival.